My relationship with anonymous

The man that I can never name. We flirted for years, but we were never together. He never knew I fell in love with him. I have never loved anyone else. I only thought I did. I loved him enough to put his happiness about my own pain (which meant keeping my mouth shut after...well, I can't explain that without revealing his identity). Let me just say that I didn't mean to fall in love with him. I saw him around and never thought anything more than he seemed like a nice guy but shy. Then he shook my hand for the first time and looked into my eyes. Something happened. I can't explain it. I remember thinking that I would fall in love with him if I didn't stay away from him, but I couldn't stay away. I couldn't deny to myself that I was in love with him after three months. In truth, I feel in love with him before that. I loved his soul. That's the truth of it. He was cute, but it wasn't about that. I could see the pain in his eyes. He seemed so lonely. It took me three years to stop being in love with him. He was all I wanted back then. I damn near ruined my life after I stopped being in love with him. I made the dumbest decisions.