It really is a couple's world

Let's see how many couples I know.

Jon and Cindy (married)
Lynn and Tom (married)
Sandy and Chris (engaged)
Cora and Chris (engaged)
Christina and Ben (engaged)
Ewa and Isuma
Duane and Katie
Scott and Liz
Ken and the nurse

plus so many more


Ok, so it really is a couple's world. I'm not the only single: Kevin, Theresa, and Magda are also single. I don't even mind being single right now. I can date who I want. But there's that annoying part about not wanting to go on a second date with anyone. I haven't been in a relationship since October, if you can even call that two months of craziness a relationship. I want to call it failed-attempt that I knew would fail. I wanted it to fail. So it did. Before that was Glenn, which was a ten month mistake. Before that I was engaged-I damn near wrecked my life. Kissing couples all over are grossing me out. It's not jealousy. It's me being cynical. Do I even want to be cynical?
Sure, I have great reasons to be, but do I want to be this cynical? I'm going to be Sandy's maid of honor. Cynical won't work when one of my best friends is promising to spend the rest of her life with this one guy, to be faithful, to have his children, to never look back basically. I think those are great things. Maybe it's about that whole concept that I don't believe in. I believe in being faithful. I want to get married someday and have 12 children (most likely adopting some-I'm no spring chicken). So why does this all make me want to cring or at least roll my eyes discreetly?Because they are all thinking in terms of "the one."
Please. Spare me. No other human being is going to fulfill you if you aren't fulfilled. No other human being is going to complete you, and you damn well better be a whole person before you chose one person to be with forever or for a long time. No man is going to make you any better than what you are. Don't people believe in intrinsic worth anymore? What's with all this talk of a man making a woman what she is? What the hell? Who were you before then? What were you before?
Come on now. You can't really buy into this bull, can you? You don't need a man to give you identity or worth or anything else. Be with someone because he makes you laugh or because he is a great human being. Don't be with someone because you think he can give you whatever is missing inside of you. No other mere mortal can do that. If you go looking for people to fill you up, you'll always be empty.
Now I'm not saying that those couples aren't going to work out or that they have all the wrong reasons. For all I know, they know something I don't. I just don't want to watch any of my friends fall to pieces because a relationship they made their everything fell apart. These people, though, might be together forever. It's not really about them. It's about waking up to a realization that other people can't take away our hollowness. We either fill up ourselves with God's help, or we drown in misery looking for other human beings to do the impossible. I can't do that anymore.
I don't need a man to fulfill me. I don't need a man to tell me I'm ok. I don't need a man to make me feel like I have a justification to exist. The fact that I exist justifies itself. I have worth because I am a human being, made in the image of God, loved by God. I don't need a man. I may want a man. I may someday again love a man. But I don't need a man. I am good enough, right now, just as I am. I'm really ok. My life isn't perfect, and I'm not perfect, but human perfection is an illusion. I can live without illusions that damage me. I can accept the truth of life.